You screwed up this part so bad that I will not read it anyway. xxvideo You’re too close to the action, as it were, to notice little things like continuity errors, word choice, and tenses. Hugh_Jardonanonymous readerReport 2012-04-16 20:30:24Good story, but needs some work on the spelling/grammar front. You screwed up this part so bad that I will not read it anyway. We want to feel, smell and taste everything. 12 comments«123»anonymous readerReport 2013-07-29 21:04:10have to agree not worth reading without PARAGRAPHS PARAGRAPHS PARAGRAPHSanonymous readerReport 2012-07-04 20:54:39Please forget part 2. Great story line. Keep going. Again, it is an excellent start. 12 comments«123»anonymous readerReport 2013-07-29 21:04:10have to agree not worth reading without PARAGRAPHS PARAGRAPHS PARAGRAPHSanonymous readerReport 2012-07-04 20:54:39Please forget part 2. You’re too close to the action, as it were, to notice little things like continuity errors,
