like most have said this was super rushed and needs to be two or three times longer with motre build up and details. xvideos you give no background or character development it was just wham bam thankyou maam. you give no background or character development it was just wham bam thankyou maam. the best thing you can do is delete and rewrite it using a good editor or ghost writer and add an endding.anonymous readerReport 2011-11-26 11:56:14TYPICAL FOR THIS SITE IT NEEDS A TOTAL REWRITE USING A GOOD EDITOR WAY TO MANY STUPID ERRORS.anonymous readerReport 2011-06-13 02:08:03i rather liked it and would like to see a part 2 some day 8/10Anonymous readerReport 2008-12-19 10:21:06man that was pretty ood take suggestions, part 2 pleaseAnonymous readerReport 2008-12-18 01:34:37Agreed, slow down and spell check. 11 comments«123»Anonymous readerReport 2014-01-13 04:39:48really needs
